I Am Not A Virgin
You may be thinking that this is TMI (too much information) and also a crappy headline. Considering no one would have assumed that I, as a 53-year-old divorced woman with two adult children, needed to make that pronouncement.
In the realization that there is not a version of my story, where I have shown up in loving relationships, feeling that I was worth being treasured, I started on the journey of uncovering why. That is where I landed in the Bible on the word “virgin” and it was mentioned 20+ times in the passage that I was reading. It felt like lava pouring down my throat as I read the passage out loud. You see, from the past that we’re not discussing in this beautiful story, the gift of being treasured was taken from me.
It is at this point that I will confess to you that it hit me hard to admit that I don’t actually know what that feels like to be a virgin. Adding the Disclaimer here before you continue on the “judging parade” and scroll more to perhaps uncover the silicious parts. This is not meant to be a triggering piece on my past and all that I've survived. Think of this as more of an introduction to rewrite myself into this beautiful version of my story that is unfolding in front of me.
The work that I’ve done to heal my past wounds, making peace with it and trudging forward with a renewed sense of worthiness, found me at this place of frustration with my desire to be in a loving relationship.
A value statement that I share often is that you can’t fix what you’re not willing to face. This realization slapped me in the face, so I can say that it was inviting me to face it. In my past, I habitually stepped into relationships expecting a man (friendships, bosses, partnerships) to treasure me, when all along it was me who didn’t treasure myself as someone that was to be handled with care and treasured as the gift from God that I know I am and have been all along.
Oh. I got it now. So, be warned if you run into my current level of gift revelation and joy and get inspired to impress me with that same old song and dance. I’ll politely invite you to pack up that circus and let it move on to the next country town.
Rewriting this story feels beautiful. Rewriting this story feels like strength and as you already know…My name is Kimblyn and I am shuffling the cards I’ve been dealt, rewriting my story and that makes me what….? You guessed it. #SEEDtacular.
My ONE GOOD SEED for today ~ It’s never too late to rewrite your story.
Leaving you with Peace and Blessings,
Kimblyn